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Do men also need a hashtag?

‘My wife, when she had the baby, she basically left business’, he said.
‘My wife never worked’, the other man responds.

‘Wouldn’t that be something, to just drop out and kick back at home’.
He stared in the distance, then turned cynical.
‘I should be able to retire by the time I am 90’.

The two men shared a look.
‘It’s our burden’, one of them said, ‘except we don’t get a hashtag’.

The above descries a scene from the series “American Crime” where two men meet each other at a charity event, watching how their wives are showing their generousity by writing out checks with multiple zeros at the end.
One of the man being particularly bitter since his business is not running as smoothly as it should.
On top of that, his wife has recently hired a nanny, without his consent, because it is harder than she thought to take care of a 5 year old.


I remember my first heartbreak.
In tears, I knocked on my friend’s door.
‘Men are pigs’, she said while holding my hand and feeding me chocolate.

And so, this became the statement to say whenever another girlfriend of mine was dumped by a man.
But whenever I ghosted a guy after one date because he didn’t look as nice as on his pictures, they’d tell me ‘Good for you! You’re worth so much more’.

This support also was expressed in major hits by strong female artists.
Which makes me think, how would the world have reacted if a group of males would sing “I don’t need a woman to make it happen” (reference: Pussycat Dolls – I don’t need a man”.
Or “Who run the world? Boys!” (reference: Beyonce – Who run the world (girls)).
Would it have been praised the same way?

Too often it is believed that men have it so much easier in this life than women.
I wonder how true that is.

At the age of 15 I was bullied for a while because I supposingly I was the only girl in class who didn’t have sex yet. Or the only one who dared to admit it publically.
But when a male classmate did that, he was litteraly tortured.
Sadly, instead of supporting him, I kept quiet and was glad that for once I was that I was not the target of bullying.

And what about the days off after a child is born?
In the Netherlands, the mother gets a couple of weeks off, but the father is entitled to only 3 days!
How is that for fair?

Some women tend to blame their caring husband for not being able to have a career after a few years of taking care of the children.
I always wonder what these women imagine.
If you honestly think that you work will be anything more than just surviving yet another day, you’re wrong.
And if you think that waking up at six and a one hour traffic jam is fun, you’re wrong too.
If you are male, would you give up your career, take care of the child and let your wife work?

Is there a need for male empowerment organisations?
Do men also need a hashtag?

How is the equality at your work place?



Categories: Blogs

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Me & my Skeptical Heart

8 replies

  1. Great post. Really solid arguments. You know my view on this topic – it’s all very biased.
    I don’t think comparing taking care of the house/ kids with going to work is something to be done. Everything is hard. Everything can get you down. The grass is always greener. Wives think their husbands have it easy, husbands think it’s the wives. Mutual respect is very important in keeping this equation healthy. Couples should complement each other, not be rivals. Obviously, a man cannot have a kid (Yes, I know of the “men” who were born females that get pregnant and carry a child), so it’s not for discussion, but other things can definitely be negotiated. If a woman prefers to work while her man wants to stay at home, great. It’s up to what works for THEM.

    My workplace…in order to diversify the place and make it all equal, I see a lot more females than males.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In Denmark the law says that the mother shall take 20 weeks and the father 2 weeks.
      The remaining 32 weeks is for the parents to decide. So that is a very generous arrangement.

      I asked Jasper if he would like to a house dad and luckily he answered “NO”. While I used to want a big career, I really don’t anymore.

      Anyway, if you want to be someone and something these days, internet is the way to go. So all the bored house wives, can just go ahead and do that.

      So there is more females than males in your workplace? I think we need that men empowerment hashtag then 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I was having this exact conversation with my friend last week!

    He thought men had it harder because they go to work. I thought both parties were doing a lot of heavy lifting to keep things balanced.

    Sometimes, I feel like because people assume going to work every morning is more “respectful” than changing diapers or going back and forth with your teenagers about rules, they assume a 9-5 is the hardest thing in the world.

    It could be.

    But hard is relative. And everyone is different. And accepting that, is the first step to harmony.


    1. I completely agree! Being a parent for younger children is a job on its own and one that doesn’t get paid. And unfortunately also doesn’t seem to be recognized.
      But if you are a stay at home parent, I don’t see a clear reason to hire a fulltime nanny.

      What I do find frustrating is when someone doesn’t work, but complains that taking care of a house is hard.
      But I will have to say that cleaning my house is a bit of a hobby for me, so I am definitely different in this case 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I guess it depends on the number of children and their individual needs. Some children require a lot more energy from their parents than others.

    You’re so lucky! I think cleaning is more of a necessity for me than a hobby. Though I find it can be very therapeutic too.


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